I Really Do Try…

…to keep up with posts on this blog. But that’s not working out very well. Ultimately, I want to try to blog as much as possible in my fourth, and final year of my undergrad (EEEEEEEKKK!). Anyway, while we’re at it….I’ve been thinking about life, the future, etc. consistently for the past couple months. To be honest, it’s scary. High school used to be that “safe” place once upon a time…then university became that new “safe” place….and once you’re in the “real world” where’s your “safe” place? We keep getting introduced to these little portions of time that we come to define as our “safe” places…but they never seem to be constant. New experiences can be scary, and so many things can seem uncertain until you establish yourself within your goals and dreams.
I wanted the summer to go by as slow as possible…that’s  not working out in my favour…July is almost over. I’ve lost all concept of time…because time just keeps fast forwarding. I know August will be a month of craziness and I’m not sure if I’m QUITE ready for that. It feels like just yesterday that I was a 17 year-old anxiously anticipating her residence assignment for her first year of university…and now look at me…I’m ‘dreading'(I could have used a better word) the start of my last year of undergrad. Although time has gone by fast, I’ve changed as a person and matured and experienced things I never knew I would. I’ve fought against getting consumed by the world and its desires, I’ve gotten lost in my own goals and dreams, and I’ve also tried to live the dreams of others while trying to find myself. It’s been a mixture of struggles and successes, sandwiched between emotions and memories. It’s a lot less scarier when you have the right people standing by your side, while you both experience similar roller coasters of experiences and emotions. There will always be uncertainties as you face the future, but you have to emphasize your life on what is certain and then slowly step into uncertainties as they slowly become stabilized certainties. Regardless of how alone you might feel when it comes to facing the future, you’re never alone and you need to have that fact solidified in your head – you and thousands….millions…billions… of others are in it together. In it to face life, one step at a time. I just need to keep reminding myself of that instead of getting so caught up about what’s going to happen 6 months from now. BREATHE. Think about the present. Living in the present allows you to prepare yourself for the future.  

Week 2.

This week has already started off on a better note compared to last week(my mood and no rain, definitely has a positive correlation going on), I just WAS NOT feelin’ the whole school thing back then. I also decided I’d be a tad bit more social in my classes and be willing to talk to new people instead of being anti-social(like I said, I wasn’t feelin’ it last week to make friends or anything of the sort). One thing that makes me feel conscious about making friends in classes is when you have clicker questions: I don’t want them to think I’m a complete idiot. Let’s be honest…I don’t always….ever….95% of the time pay attention in some of my classes…I kind of drift off into my own world..or write stuff down without really processing it in my head…and then BAM! *clicker after clicker* and I just sit there with a derpy expression hoping that I clicked in with the right answer/the person beside me doesn’t ask me what I put. Usually the people beside me either think I’m stupid OR that I’m an EXTREMELY slow reader…. “what did you put?” “ohh..uhhh….hmmm…I actually haven’t finished reading the question yet” …. seriously, that rarely works in your favour when the question is a sentence long with like 10 words…. and then the OTHER scenario would be “hmmm..I’m not sure, what did YOU put?”- that’s how you socialize.  Remember, clicker questions are your gateway excuse to sparking up some kind of a conversation with that cute girl or guy in your class, so take it and run with it – if you make a fool out of yourself, it’s okay, just laugh, because foolish funny is cute. 😉 So go on, make some friends in your classes, don’t hesitate to initiate conversation, who knows, maybe the person next to you wants to talk to you as badly as you want to talk to them, but they’re just shy, like you! You could very well make someone’s day by just talking to them, making someone else happy, makes you happy! Yay! 

2014 – I’m feeling lucky.

Happy 2014!
They say whatever you do on January 1st, you’ll continue doing every single day that year….let’s see if that proves to be true…
After much reflective contemplation, I’ve decided that 2013 wasn’t really a stand out year. It was a somewhat emotional year where I partially lost myself, then slowly got back onto the right track and re-gained the confidence that I once lost, or maybe never even had. I welcomed people into my life that probably should have stayed out(boooo!), I unintentionally pushed people away that I should have pulled closer(another boooo!) …but at the same time, I allowed people into my life that helped set my life where it should be and made me realize who’s welcome, and who’s not(yay!). I’ve constantly realized how important it is to surround yourself with people that genuinely care about you and want to help you move forward and bring up your confidence, not knock down your self-esteem. I’ve also had encounters with people who allegedly claim to be on your side, and allegedly CLAIM that they’re always looking out for you and always want the best for you when really, they’re just trying to make themselves look good with underlying ill-minded, selfish, backstabbing intentions – honey, this ain’t middle school. I highly encourage everyone to stay away from people like that, trust me, it makes life so much better to relieve yourself of that, plus it’s probably better for your health.
On a side note in reference to this whole blogging thing, it’s getting so much harder to conceal my identity…I feel like I talk about a lot of things to people which means I most likely wouldn’t post about  it on here..which is my explanation for posting A LOT less than I used to…bittersweet. In first year I would blog about first year courses and what life on residence was like and a lot of events that were very much geared towards first year students….now that I’m in third year, my courses are more specialized and it’s seemingly much harder to talk about things(school,involvement, life, etc) in a general way that wouldn’t reveal who I am.

Anyway, putting everything that should stay behind, behind; here’s to a fresh start and a new year filled with new friends to meet, old friends to cherish, new experiences to live, new memories to make, and great things to come.

Fall is Falling

The university has been blanketed by fog for the past two weeks and it’s absolutely stunning, except at night when you’re out walking and you can’t see anything in a 5 metre radius from you…that can be a little scary…especially in regards to recent events – because you know, we at UBC end up making it into the news for things we’d rather not be publicized for. It’s neat to see the campus coming together in the way that it has, keeping an eye out for each other, but if only it was for reasons other than what they actually are.
We are officially over halfway through the term and it’s scary to think how fast time flies, I remember first year as though it was just yesterday. Nostalgic moments. Overall, so far, I think this term has been the most enjoyable(apart from second term of second year)..I’m not sure if it has to do with third year classes, but people seem to be MUCH more sociable in my classes…in second year, most of the people I sat with in classes were people I had known previously, but it didn’t really seem like other people were very social..everyone stuck to their own little friend cliques; but this year I’ve made so many friends in my classes, and it’s funny because these are people that I’ve been seeing around since first year but never really talked to before – “I know you exist, and you know I exist, but let’s just wait until we’re 3 years into our undergrad to actually talk to each other.” I think I enjoy the social aspect of my classes more than the classes themselves, but I don’t find anything wrong with that. 😉  

Month 1 Recapped.

Well that’s that – it’s the last day of September and I’m making myself put aside time to write this post and rewind a little. This month has been crazy busy since the beginning, lots of orientations and trainings for this and that, it all started with  Imagine Day, MUG leader training, and then it just hit it off from there. I’m much more involved in various things this year(as opposed to my previous years at UBC when my involvement was very focused on one specific area)- this is both a good thing and a challenging thing. My course this year is very heavy, not at all what I expected it to be. Although I’m taking 5 courses(which is how many I normally take), I feel like I have something due every single day, a pre-reading quiz here, an assignment there, etc etc. At least I’m never bored…that’s a good thing, right? I also feel a lot more free and easy-going compared to last year when I was feeling much more uptight about many things – this has helped me a great deal. I’m still learning to manage my time properly with academics and extra-curriculars, considering I really need to take this year seriously regarding academics, and strive to achieve the best I can. I’ve met a ton of awesome people so far this year and I think it’s really made a positive influence on my life in general. YAY. As per usual, I feel the need to take time to emphasize the craziness that we call Vancouver weather – it’s September, why is it so freaking cold?!?! The weather’s more emotional than a PMSing girl.
And now I should go read some psych..

Here’s to third year with a few fresh starts, some new beginnings, experiences, and adventures. 

situations change and people drift away.

The past couple weeks have been emotionally hectic to say the least. I’ve come to many conclusions regarding ‘life’, and my perspective of it. It has finally been drilled into my head that you cannot please everyone that crosses your path, no matter how hard you try. There are some elements in the universe that are apparently completely against you and another person’s roads aligning in that perfect desirable line. So what do you do about it? Nothing. Usually I’m not one to give up in such situations, but I’ve learned. You must do absolutely nothing and let it go. No matter how hard you try to come to that alignment, it just won’t, and for as long as you keep trying, you may be wasting time and missing out on something that is meant to align with you. I’m not entirely sure why I had a mental picture of the planets and the moon while explaining that..maybe it’s because I can’t get over the whole Justin Bieber going to space thing… whaaaat? Anyway, back to my ‘life discoveries’ – along with not being able to please everyone, this goes hand in hand with that, but you cannot make EVERYONE happy either. Sometimes while you’re out trying to make someone happy, you’ll realize that you yourself aren’t happy. At least that’s how I’ve felt recently. Trying to make everyone in my books happy resulted in me being unhappy. They say you should surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you, and that make you happy and to trash the ones that don’t bring out the best in you – I think it’s time to apply that. I hate being that girl that’s “b*tchy” to certain people, but sometimes, people’s actions bring out the worst in me, and I don’t like that, so my solution: get rid of them. If they’re causing negative vibes, then they’re not worth your time. Sometimes situations really do change and you’re forced to drift away from the people that you were once close with. This forced drifting could be a mutually beneficial thing, as well as an opportunity to move on with your life and get rid of the extra baggage that’s holding you down. No one deserves to have self-hatred as a reflection of other people’s actions, if this is the cause of self-hate, you MUST get those people out of your life, and that is what I’ve learned to do.